The statistics of recurring studies around the world show that cheating in relationships is far more common than everyday appearances let on; an average of 45% of respondents claim to have cheated in a relationship, and that doesn’t include those who haven’t admitted to an affair or fling.
Recently, we received this question regarding cheating in relationships: “Once you are in a marriage, the only ethical way to have sex with other woman is divorce. Am I right? Especially if the wife no longer wants sex and is not ok for polygamous relation. Can you clarify what best can be done in such a situation?”
His problem is that he wants to cheat in his relationship, but he’s concerned about the consequences.
A few pros for cheating:
1. He’ll get to scratch that itch, and many people will agree it can be an overwhelming itch.
2. It may lessen the strife in his relationship because he’ll no longer be concerned about getting his sexual needs met by his spouse, since she has lost interest in sex and, or they are no longer attracted to each other (which is common in many long-term relationships).
3. It may broaden his horizons and allow for spiritual growth. How can this be, you ask? We believe that you learn something new about yourself through every single relationship, no matter the duration. That’s right, having multiple sexual partners can contribute to spiritual growth.
A few points against cheating:
1. He may incur negative karma by doing so; future lifetimes may find him on the receiving end of infidelity, feeling the pain exactly to the degree he inflicted it in prior lives.
2. He may destroy his current relationship by cheating.
3. He may harm his reputation by cheating.
4. If he doesn’t practice safe sex, he risks STDs or unplanned pregnancies.
Nobody likes to be cheated on in relationships, but his situation (like many other relationships) may be more complex than how we address it above.
For example, it’s possible his spouse may already be cheating on him; there exist many forms of infidelity besides having sex with someone other than your spouse. But justifying his cheating with her infidelity doesn’t negate karmic consequences, it only makes them more complicated.
He asks about an “ethical” way to have sex with another woman outside of his marriage. That depends on what ethical refers to.
In relation to his marriage vows, accumulating negative karma, what others will think, or his religion? Ethics is too often subjective.
He wants to know what’s the best way to have sex with other women without crossing any red lines. Again, it’s complicated, but we offer some suggestions below.
One option is to divorce, though that may not be possible in his culture.
He may want to stay together due to finances or children. Not surprisingly, his wife is against the idea of an open relationship, but if he shows her examples of how an arrangement can work, and makes sure there are benefits for her too, she may reconsider. Such a situation works much better if they agree on rules ahead of time to ensure mutual respect.
As a last resort, if she refuses to compromise and he’s okay with a partner cheating on him in a future life, (since this is the karma he may very well incur for himself if he follows the common cheating in relationships standard), he should feel free to cheat.
Copyright © 2013 Scott Petullo, Stephen Petullo