Have you ever wondered why so many people experience love life heartache on a regular basis? Most people seem to start out with good intentions but then many fall into the typical love life traps.
After over 25 years of empirical research with metaphysics, personality and compatibility assessment, and as a matchmaker and writing a book about soul mates, we’ve created the following tips to help you and your teens and adult children avoid all the most common love life traps.
Warning: Some of these tips may be entirely opposed to your love life dreams. We don’t sugarcoat our findings because not doing so will help you more in the long run.
1) Avoid the trap of “you are my everything.” Put yourself, your self-love, self-respect, and self-esteem first. You don’t need someone else to be happy.
A tendency to look outside one’s self for love exists when self-love, self-respect, and self-esteem are low. Unfortunately, there will never be enough to fill the void inside.
Weak self-love, needing love and attention like an insatiable drug habit, or never being comfortable with even temporary solitude are signs of being ill-prepared for, and lacking a necessary inner foundation for a healthy relationship. It’s obvious, but it overlooked by so many people.
2) Don’t try to force the circumstances of your love life. A strong will can help some areas of your life, such as career and health, but it can backfire with your love life. Know what works for you and what you want, then go with the flow. Too many New Age and self-help authors claim that you can create whatever you want, when you want, in your love life if you follow their advice. Based on our findings, we believe that everyone does have free will, but only within the confines of your individual fate and karma.
This means you can make the most of your life, but that one of life’s realities is that you can’t always have exactly what you want, when you want it.
3) Be cautious about safe-sex and birth control 100% of the time, even when you’re in love. Love or lust doesn’t protect you from unwanted pregnancies or STDs. Respect yourself and your future by practicing safe sex and using two forms of birth control every time, even if you think you know the person you’re dating very well. If they’re not okay with this, they’re probably not right for you.
4) Realize that marriage or commitment will not guarantee happiness or improve a relationship. Many divorced people will admit that the high expectations of traditional marriage can do the opposite.
5) Consider if a traditional marriage or marriage-like relationship is best for you. One size does not fit all; the traditional model encourages conforming to rules and customs which may not be right for you.
6) Consider the importance of a prenup, even if you and, or your partner don’t have many assets. Over half of all marriages end in divorce, with many couples fighting in court about money. You don’t know just what you’ll be worth 20 years from now or exactly how your partner will react if they feel their needs aren’t being met.
7) Consider the idea of what we call a “child contract” in addition to or instead of a marriage contract. Unlike marriage, this puts the child first and financially protects the main caretaker before the child is born.
Copyright © 2012 Stephen Petullo, Scott Petullo