A compatible relationship is what most people strive for, and it’s always nice to hear about a happy couple in a fulfilling relationship.
People wanting to get married would be smart to seriously consider the following questions: What do you seek through marriage? A ceremony to declare your love and a chance to get together with family and loved ones? Romantic partnership permanence? Do you hope it will add something to your connection that you feel is absent at this time?
Marriage was originally intended for practical and economic reasons. People could not survive unless they pooled their skills and resources. Due in part by romantic fantasy perpetrated by movies and fairy tales, marriage today includes unrealistic expectations such as being someone’s “everything” for life. Surprisingly, even with the high divorce rates, this tradition is still a popular choice.
Some say it’s because you need marriage for kids, or that marriage is about commitment. But you can be responsible parents or commit to each other without a marriage license.
Those who oppose marriage contend that legally binding agreements, in an attempt to cement relationships, primarily reflect fear and a lack of trust and are more about money than love.
There is no level of compatibility “good enough” for marriage, because two individuals who are very compatible now may not be in ten years.
Furthermore, marriage is just a legal construct that has nothing to do with unconditional love, which is what many claim to marry for. By unconditional love, we’re referring to a lack of conditions such as “If you do this for me, I’ll do that for you.”
Ideally, marriage would be completely about unconditional love. It wouldn’t be like modern marriage is today.
There would be no unhappiness about a partner not doing what they are expected to do financially, there would be no disputes about having to spend time with the partner’s friends and family, and there would be a lack of expectations in the bedroom, just to name a few.
As we have constantly found in our work, most relationships have time limits, as do friendships and business associations. Sound unromantic? Truth isn’t always romantic, but embracing it will save you a lot of heartache. You don’t have to physically leave a relationship for it to be over, as many married couples will tell you if they are brutally honest. Additionally, children know when their parents are unhappy and all too often the parents end up setting a bad example relating to complacency and deceit.
How can you tell if a romantic connection has seen better days? A few examples include the following: all attempts at spicing up the bond fall flat; one or both partners become increasingly interested dating other people; sex becomes routine and boring or nonexistent; the sexual attraction fades significantly or disappears; one or both feel as if they have learned as much as they were supposed to learn; and it simply doesn’t feel right to stay together.
Life-long, satisfying monogamy is desired by many, but is it natural or realistic? Some couples completely lose interest in sex with each other and settle for companionship or are willing to make great sacrifices and be unhappy in order to avoid ending their relationship, but more and more couples are accepting that most relationships are not meant to last forever.
In our view, love relationships serve primarily as grounds for shared spiritual lessons and goals, rather than the currently accepted, outdated, fear-based sociological standard as outlined above. Many norms in society will be seen as absurd by future generations, and we expect that traditional marriage will be one of them.
An aside, for those who desire to deepen their understanding of their partner (especially before getting married), compatibility analyses involving psychic insight, comprehensive astrology, numerology, and graphology outlining key challenges and rewards is a great way to open the door to more love.
We recommend to those considering marriage to communicate with their partner about commitment, and discuss feelings about money, children, relatives, friends, etc. But don’t expect or even hope that the love would be permanent if you got married, since no couple is compatible enough to meet and exceed the present day expectations of marriage.
“Getting married to make a relationship permanent is like buying a summer home to make summer last forever.”
Copyright © 2007 Scott Petullo, Stephen Petullo