Most singles want to find a soul mate, but aside from the common romantic assumptions about this elusive magical bond, they generally don’t stop to think about the spiritual purpose of soul mates or the true meaning of the term.

Thanks to movies, TV, and romance novels, the perception of a soul mate has been distorted beyond it’s metaphysical definition. There is much suffering that could be avoided with more understanding and a change of viewpoint.

The following are four of the most common soul mate mistakes and what you can do to bypass them.

1) Assuming you only have one. After removing the fairy-tale element, a soul mate defined is simply a soul you knew in a previous incarnation. They could have been a sibling, parent, friend, or enemy; you may have 100s, or even 1000s of soul mates.

The term twin soul is often used to illustrate a special relationship, one that was especially created for you, or even your “other half.” As appealing as that may sound, unfortunately our findings invalidate this theory. Souls don’t pair off with only one ideal partner in the spiritual world.

But have hope. You do have connections that are much more compatible than others, and you will meet and enjoy each other when the time is right.

How do you know when you’ve met one of these magical connections? A feeling of knowing the person but not being able to place from where is common. As is instant like or dislike, assuming you are viewing the person objectively and not subjectively projecting onto them your dreams and hopes.

2) Soul mates are less about romantic happiness and more about destiny, and what’s fated may or may not compare favorably to your favorite love story. Each bond has a purpose, such as working on a project together, raising a child, working through karma, or simply enjoying each others’ company. You’ll experience a lot less stress and heartache if you learn to accept each relationship for what they are meant to be instead of only what you hope for.

3) Too young. Teens and 20-somethings are most likely to get drunk on the romantic, feel-good soul mate Kool-aid. Once reality hits, it’s often such a harsh contrast to what they expected that it’s easy to become cynical about future love life opportunities.

People convince themselves that they are mature enough to be happy with the person for the rest of their life, starting at a very young age. Unfortunately, this is usually not the case.

We’ve found through our empirical research that the more rewarding spiritual connections often show up later in life, sometimes after you’ve paid your dues, so to speak.

Instead of applauding “high school sweethearts,” parents and mentors would better serve kids in this area by helping them recognize that the Cinderella-type stories are only one possibility in the game of love, and by suggesting they not attempt to begin a life-long relationship until later in life.

4) “Together forever.” Most bonds are not meant to be life-long. It would be nice to have a compatible partner by your side for your entire lifetime, but since it doesn’t always work out like that, dropping expectations of such is key to satisfaction.

Of course, what would your love life be without a little fantasy and magic? It’s the spice of love and can lead to much happiness, if you keep it in check and remember to be realistic.

Copyright © 2010 Scott Petullo, Stephen Petullo