Tag Archives: love life grief

21 Tips to Save Your Teen and Yourself From Love Life Grief, Part III of III

Share Button

Have you ever wondered why so many people experience love life heartache on a regular basis? Most people seem to start out with good intentions but then many fall into the typical love life traps.

After over 25 years of empirical research with metaphysics, personality and compatibility assessment, and as a matchmaker and writing a book about soul mates, we’ve created the following tips to help you and your teens and adult children avoid all the most common love life traps.

Warning: Some of these tips may be entirely opposed to your love life dreams. We don’t sugarcoat our findings because not doing so will help you more in the long run.

1) Avoid the trap of “you are my everything.” Put yourself, your self-love, self-respect, and self-esteem first. You don’t need someone else to be happy.

A tendency to look outside one’s self for love exists when self-love, self-respect, and self-esteem are low. Unfortunately, there will never be enough to fill the void inside.

Weak self-love, needing love and attention like an insatiable drug habit, or never being comfortable with even temporary solitude are signs of being ill-prepared for, and lacking a necessary inner foundation for a healthy relationship. It’s obvious, but it overlooked by so many people.

2) Don’t try to force the circumstances of your love life. A strong will can help some areas of your life, such as career and health, but it can backfire with your love life. Know what works for you and what you want, then go with the flow. Too many New Age and self-help authors claim that you can create whatever you want, when you want, in your love life if you follow their advice. Based on our findings, we believe that everyone does have free will, but only within the confines of your individual fate and karma.

This means you can make the most of your life, but that one of life’s realities is that you can’t always have exactly what you want, when you want it.

3) Be cautious about safe-sex and birth control 100% of the time, even when you’re in love. Love or lust doesn’t protect you from unwanted pregnancies or STDs. Respect yourself and your future by practicing safe sex and using two forms of birth control every time, even if you think you know the person you’re dating very well. If they’re not okay with this, they’re probably not right for you.

4) Realize that marriage or commitment will not guarantee happiness or improve a relationship. Many divorced people will admit that the high expectations of traditional marriage can do the opposite.

5) Consider if a traditional marriage or marriage-like relationship is best for you. One size does not fit all; the traditional model encourages conforming to rules and customs which may not be right for you.

6) Consider the importance of a prenup, even if you and, or your partner don’t have many assets. Over half of all marriages end in divorce, with many couples fighting in court about money. You don’t know just what you’ll be worth 20 years from now or exactly how your partner will react if they feel their needs aren’t being met.

7) Consider the idea of what we call a “child contract” in addition to or instead of a marriage contract. Unlike marriage, this puts the child first and financially protects the main caretaker before the child is born.

Copyright © 2012 Stephen Petullo, Scott Petullo

21 Tips to Save Your Teen and Yourself From Love Life Grief, Part II of III

Share Button

There’s an epidemic in this world and it’s as plain as day to us: A perception of dating and relationships that severely conflicts with reality. After over 25 years of empirical research with spirituality, personality and compatibility assessment, and as a matchmaker and writing a book about soul mates, it’s our intent to share what we’ve learned to help you and your kids avoid, what are often, self-inflicted love life problems.

You may not like, or even be irritated by some of these tips. Still, we encourage you to consider each one as you observe your own and others’ love life conditions. We want you to be aware of our findings even if they clash with your love life goals because the information can save you a lot of time and heartache.

1) Avoid long distance “relationships.” If you’ve met on-line but never in-person, it’s not a relationship. 90% of the time it’s a fantasy fueled by illusion that will pop like a soap bubble if you ever meet face-to-face. Date locally or agree to be just friends unless you can spend months together in the same city.

2) Don’t beat yourself up by assuming a relationship “failed” if it didn’t last a lifetime. Our findings show that all relationships are for different reasons and have destined beginnings and endings. Very few that start at a young age are meant to be life-long.

3) Life-long monogamy from a young age can work for some. For many others, they start out with good intentions, but based on the high rates of cheating and unhappiness within traditional relationships, they realize too late it isn’t an agreement they will be happy with for the rest of their life. As much as you may dislike the idea, it’s important to acknowledge that strict, life-long monogamy is unnatural and even emotionally unhealthy for many people. Forcing someone to adhere to such an agreement after they are no longer attracted to you is akin to slavery.

Therefore, before you assume that strict, life-long monogamy is best for you and your partner, consider your ages, relationship and sexual histories, and sex drives. Also, be brutally honest about your sexual compatibility and whether there is a chance you may be happier with an agreement to continually reassess your connection and the amount of freedom you give each other as your needs change over the next
50-80 years.

4) Don’t confuse sex with love. Sex is not love, and love is not sex, but love can be expressed through sex.

5) “Together forever” is a soothing thought. It would be nice to meet the ideal partner at a very young age and be happily involved for the rest of your life, but the reality is it’s very rare. Also, times have changed. Considering that in 60 years it may be common to live to the age of 100, is expecting a relationship to last 80 years and also be harmonious and beneficial for both partners as they change and progress or regress realistic? In light of this, you may want to focus more on enjoying the moment rather than making life-long plans with a “high school sweetheart” or even while you are still in your 20s.

6) Avoid searching for the ever-elusive “true love” or expecting every connection to live up to such expectations. The only authentic love is unconditional love, which is completely void of expectations and demands. You must first have a reasonable level of self-love and let go of emotional neediness in order to enjoy and benefit from unconditional love.

7) Be careful of excessive focus on romance. It’s great in moderation, but our findings firmly suggest that most relationships tend to be more for personal growth.

Copyright © 2012 Stephen Petullo, Scott Petullo

21 Tips to Save Your Teen and Yourself From Love Life Grief, Part I of III

Share Button

We get many questions from young adults about love life dilemmas. So many of them fall into traps that could have been avoided with good guidance and advice. It leaves one wondering, “Didn’t their parents or mentors help them distinguish love life fantasies from reality?”

Sadly, many parents still don’t know the difference and as we explain below, it’s an easy mistake to make.

The good news is that you can make enormous progress in your love life by altering your perception and taking a new approach which we hope to help you do with this information.

After over 25 years of empirical research involving relationships, spirituality, personality and compatibility assessment, including observing thousands of love relationships as a matchmaker and writing a book about soul mates, we’ve come to the following conclusions that will help you and your children avoid unnecessary and self-inflicted sorrow. Of course, sometimes kids won’t take your advice and will need to experience mistakes first hand in order to learn, but at least you may plant a seed.

Parents, please help your teen and young adult children become aware of the following love life tips. You may save them a lot of grief. Note: some of this information may completely conflict with your love life hopes and dreams. Even if you disagree with some or many of these tips, we encourage you to consider them as you observe your and others’ love lives. As harsh as some of them may sound, we’re merely relaying our findings and we’d rather have you be aware of them to lower your risk of heartache or worse.

1) Most people have embraced as reality, thanks in part to nearly everyone around them doing the same, love life fairy-tales perpetuated by romantic songs, movies, and TV shows. Every so often a romantic fairy-tale occurs (and lasts) in real life, such as an unusually rewarding love connection, but it’s certainly not the norm and it’s best to remind yourself, especially when first smitten by a new love interest, that it is only one possible outcome. When you accept that each relationship is for a different reason, one that is not always obvious at first, it’s easier to enjoy the individual fruits of each and you won’t be disappointed due to unrealistic expectations.

2) Make your education and career your number one priority and follow your passions and talents when you’re young. If you spend all your time and energy on a relationship, especially one that is rocky because you don’t yet know yourself well or what works for you, you may regret it when you are 40 or 50 and struggling with your career and, or finances. For now, think of your love life as a side dish that compliments the rest of your life rather than the main course.

3) Avoid assuming someone is “the love of your life.” You won’t know who that is until the last day of your life.

4) Acknowledge the myth of the “one and only soul mate.” Everyone has many, and most are not compatible enough for a harmonious, life-long relationship. Also, there’s no such thing as a “twin soul” or your “other half.” You are complete and whole on your own, even if you don’t realize it yet.

5) Try to avoid putting pressure on yourself to be married by a certain age, or giving too much thought to missed opportunities or “the one who got away.” It’s an all too common trap to project dreams and fantasies onto someone you don’t know or can’t have and it may very well be that a relationship with that person wouldn’t have been favorable for you anyway.

You have free will to pursue your love life goals, but trying to control the outcome too much will just add more stress to your already hectic everyday life. Our findings indicate that everyone meets who they are meant to meet, when they are meant to meet them, and it will last for as long as it’s meant to, so try to relax and perceive each situation in a positive light, even when it doesn’t turn out the way you had hoped.

6) Don’t wait for the chemistry to magically appear. It’s either there between two people, or it’s not. If it’s not or if it’s a troubling connection, move on. Don’t be afraid to be single; it’s better than wasting time with someone who isn’t good for you.

7) Don’t hang on to a relationship that has ended or just wasn’t meant to be. Accept that it’s over, let go and move on or you’ll block other, more compatible, future relationships.

Copyright © 2012 Stephen Petullo, Scott Petullo