Phyllis Ada Diller (July 17, 1917 – August 20, 2012) was one of the first female comics to become a household name in the USA. She had an eccentric stage persona that included self-deprecating humor and an exaggerated laugh.
In 1952, she began working in broadcasting, filming several 15-minute episodes of Phyllis Dillis, the Homely Friendmaker. She gave absurd “advice” to homemakers.
She made her professional stand-up debut at a San Francisco club in 1955 at age 37. It was so successful that the two-week booking stretched out to a record 89 consecutive weeks. She admitted in a 1986 interview that she had no idea what she was doing when she started playing clubs, and she never saw another woman on the comedy circuit.
Her national television debut was as a contestant on Groucho Marx’s quiz show You Bet Your Life in 1958. Several appearances on the Jack Paar Tonight Show led to an appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show, which gave her national recognition as she continued performing stand-up throughout the United States. Later she was in over 40 films and many television series.
Diller said the motivational book The Magic of Believing by Claude M. Bristol gave her confidence at the start of her career. She was married and divorced twice and had six kids.
Below we list some words of wisdom by Phyllis Diller.
“My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.”
“I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.”
“Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.”
“Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.”
“Next to gold and jewelry, health is the most important thing you can have.”
“Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.”
“Comedy is tragedy revisited.”
“You’ve got to realize that when all goes well, and everything is beautiful, you have no comedy. It’s when somebody steps on the bride’s train, or belches during the ceremony that you’ve got comedy!”
“A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.”
“It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.”
“You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.”
“If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.”
“You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot.”
“I spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.”
“I’ve tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t’ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.”
“I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?'”
“Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?”
“The doctor looked my body over. I said: Is there any hope? He said: Yes. Reincarnation.”
“The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.”
“The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.”
“I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.”
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”
“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”
“Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.”
“Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea.”
“Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.”
“Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.”
“I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.”
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.”
“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.”
“Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.”
“Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.”
“I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along – but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.”
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