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The Real Truth About Soul Mates

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One of the most popular topics in the New Age arena, and also in the mundane marketplace, is soul mates. It’s a very lucrative subject for New Age marketers, and they frequently promote the myth that everyone has the perfect match out there somewhere and all you have to do is take a few simple spiritual steps to attract your match and live happily ever after.

It sounds wonderful, but unfortunately this premise is rooted in illusion. The truth can sting a bit at first, but you will ultimately be more successful in your love life if you put aside idealism and high expectations, and that’s why we want to tell you what we’ve found.

The results of our empirical research clearly debunk the concept of “twin flame” or one-and-only soul mates, that another person is your other half, that you too, can live in permanent romantic bliss, just like some New Age promoters claim, if you follow their advice. There are books to be sold! Damn the truth!

The reality is that you have many soul mates, and that each connection is for a different reason. While some are better than others, our findings show that there isn’t a perfect person for you; no soul mate connection is perfect (not even close). In fact, most soul mates are for learning spiritual lessons.

Another major misconception about soul mates is the idea that they should last forever. Alas, this too is pure fiction. Very few are destined to last a lifetime. We realize that the thought of not being able to make a good relationship permanent is unsettling, but you are stronger than you realize; you don’t need a soul mate to be happy. Sure, in some cases you can stay together like roommates, but deep down you know when it’s time to move on.

Another common error in seeking a soul mate is the intent to find a “life partner,” an exclusive, lifetime partnership. Could you imagine approaching friendships like that?

Ronda and Michelle, both heterosexual, married, and entrepreneurs, meet at a party. They hit it off because they have so much in common. Over the next few months, they grow very close. Then, one day Michelle says to Ronda, “Ronda, I want you to commit to a ‘lifetime best friend’ contract with me. I don’t ever want to lose you as my best friend, and if you really value our friendship like I do, you’ll commit to it. Oh, and by the way, you can’t have any other close friends. Only acquaintances.” This type of fear based behavior is not rooted in authentic, unconditional love.

Is there a spiritual reason why everyone has many soul mates instead of just “the One”? We believe there is. Over the course of a lifetime, it’s impossible for one person to meet all your emotional, intellectual, and in many cases, sexual needs, and help you learn all your lessons. Yes, friends can meet some of those needs too, but sometimes fate and karma have something else in store for you.

Despite these truths, you will still find the New Age marketers and inspirational speakers promoting “find your (one and only) soul mate” programs. Why? Pandering to the instant gratification needs of lonely singles who don’t know a lot about soul mates is very profitable, as is pandering to escapism demands; escapism is commonly mistaken for spirituality today.

Ask the soul mate marketers about fate and karma and you’ll get a blank look or they’ll claim, “you can change your fate” with their advice. Really? If so, why don’t they keep a detailed record of all their clients who found their “soul mate,” and those who didn’t, instead of blaming the client for “not being inspired enough” when the find-your-soul-mate plan fails?

Ultimately, your personal karma dictates your love life. While it’s true you can still be happy by making the most of your karma, no amount of inspiration, soul mate seminars, or spells will alter your personal fate (which is the same exact thing as destiny, by the way).

If it’s your fate to go through a decade or more of not having a very good love life, that’s what you’ll have. But your attitude about it can make all the difference in the world. If it’s your destiny to never have a life-long, monogamous connection, and instead have multiple romantic connections, that’s what you’ll have. Again, your outlook is very important, as is dropping idealistic expectations.

It’s okay to have believed in the falsehood of the one and only, forever, perfect soul mate. You’re not alone. After all, everyone is practically programmed from birth due, in part, to fairy-tales and romantic movies. But now you can act on the truth, and you’ll have a much more rewarding and satisfying life in doing so.

Copyright © 2013 Scott Petullo, Stephen Petullo