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Love Life Genocide Through Pop Music 

Before you think that we are advocating censorship, hear us out. We’re all for freedom of expression and speech, but it pays to critically analyze what society embraces without contemplation, like the messages in pop music that can contribute to very unhealthy outlooks on love and relationships.

Let’s consider some of the best-selling singles of all time. Although we respect all of these artists, and recognize that music can serve a cathartic purpose, as well as be uplifting and inspirational, from a spiritual perspective, the overall feeling and take-away is sometimes very dysfunctional.

Celine Dion sings in “My Heart Will Go On,” from the “Titanic” soundtrack, “Every night in my dreams I see you, I feel you,…spaces between us…Near, far, wherever you are I believe that the heart does go on…Love can touch us one time And last for a lifetime And never let go…We’ll stay forever this way…”

Aside from the fact that this song and movie were about two people who did not really know each other well enough to discern if they were even compatible, a period of mourning for lost loved ones is healthy. But refusing to let go of someone who is gone and not getting on with your life isn’t.

Cher sings in “Believe,” “After love, after love… No matter how hard I try…You keep pushing me aside…And I can’t break through…So sad that you’re leaving…But after all is said and done…You’re going to be the lonely one…I need love to feel strong…maybe I’m too good for you…”

Oh dear. In this song Cher sings about not being able to handle a breakup, then takes a defiant stance saying her ex is going to be sorry because he’s going to be the lonely one. Then she expresses a measure of vanity saying that maybe she’s too good for him. What about unconditional love and forgiveness? How about a more mature approach?

In “Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?”, Boy George of Culture Club sings, “How can I be real…Do you really want to hurt me…Do you really want to make me cry…I could waste a thousand years…Wrapped in sorrow…words are token…Come inside and catch my tears.”

We understand–breaking up can be very sad. But to masochistically exile yourself to victim consciousness servitude won’t do you any good.

Beyonce Knowles sings in “Single Ladies (Put a Ring on it)”, “…we just broke up…I cried my tears, for three good years…if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it…And now you gonna learn…What it really feels like to miss me…what I deserve…is a man that makes me then takes me.. And delivers me to a destiny, to infinity and beyond…Say I’m the one you want…If you don’t, you’ll be alone…”

If we understand Beyonce’s message correctly, it’s that she was heartbroken after a break-up and that all relationships should lead to marriage. Now she’s going to punish him because he didn’t meet her demands and he’s going to learn the hard way what it’s like to miss her.

Additionally, she believes she deserves a man who delivers her to a wonderful destiny. What about equality? Is she going to deliver him to a spectacular destiny too or does she just expect to be catered to like a spoiled princess who has an overblown sense of entitlement? And the destiny part–someone needs to inform her of the true meaning of destiny, which rarely has anything to do with Rolls Royces, 5th Avenue, and Armand de Brignac Champagne.

Taylor Swift, in “Love Story” sings, “We were both young when I first saw you…Little did I know…That you were Romeo…And I was crying on the staircase…Begging you, Please don’t go…And I said…You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess…It’s a love story, baby, just say, Yes… ”

Sure, a measure of illusion within romantic relationships is delicious, but making it all about fantasy and your personal love life agenda sets you up for major disappointment and ignores the spiritual purpose of relationships: learning important lessons (rewarding and challenging).

By all means, enjoy the music you’re drawn to, but remember that true love starts with self-love, expecting to find happiness or a feeling of completion outside of yourself through someone else will always end in disappointment, and that nobody can hurt you without your permission.

What Everyone Ought to Know About Redemption

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The Oxford Dictionaries defines redemption as “the action of saving or being saved from sin, error, or evil: God’s plans for the redemption of his world [in singular] a thing that saves someone from error or evil… the action of regaining or gaining possession of something in exchange for payment, or clearing a debt… the action of buying one’s freedom: soldiers who were captured had to seek redemption [as modifier]: serfs began paying redemption dues… ”

Two assassins are talking about their work and the associated burdens and one of them says, “Sure, I’ve killed many people, but I’ve also saved many lives. Have you ever asked yourself, at the moment of judgment, or whatever happens after death, is there anything that could redeem us?”

It’s a very common question: is it possible to clear the heavy karmic debts that you’ve incurred in this lifetime?

Our answer is, it depends. It may not even be a karmic debt in the first place, even in the case of terminating someone’s life.

In the case of the two assassins, considering they are under contract to eliminate only individuals such as terrorists who intend to harm civilians, we believe the assassins are free of any related negative karma.

Just as it’s acceptable in a karmic sense to squash a mosquito, or eradicate parasites from your body, it’s perfectly okay to kill terrorists, those who have killed and fully intend to kill more American (or European, or Thai, etc.) civilians, for example. Kill a terrorist, save multiple people (or even just one person) in the process, and you balance out your karma, in our educated opinion.

Alternatively, if an assassin is in the business of killing people who merely got on the wrong side of an outlaw, for instance, like in the case of someone with gambling debts, we believe it’s likely the assassin will incur the related karma. Although it may be fate that the gambler was supposed to die that way, and the assassin was supposed to carry out the hit, karma will probably still be incurred, in our view.

However, is it possible that the assassin who knocks off the gambler won’t incur any negative karma? Yes, we think so, because in our past life regression empirical research we’ve witnessed cases where so called horrible acts were committed, yet no karma was incurred, either because it was payback time and the final chapter from past lives, or there was some sort of karmic exemption, since that’s how all the key players set it up before incarnating.

In the case of warriors on the battlefield slaughtering each other, based on our findings, we believe there can be some sort of spiritual “war exemption,” agreed to before incarnating, that frees the soldiers from the heavy spiritual burden; they won’t be forced by their higher-self to be murdered again and again for each battlefield kill. Note: for those who say “war doesn’t have to happen,” we disagree–there will always be alternating periods of war and peace, just like you will never be able to avoid all disagreements and contention between two very different people. Besides, there will always be very bad people on this planet, no matter how much you pray for peace.

Do guilty feelings reflect and even contribute to karma? They can, but a total sociopath who feels no guilt at all is still accruing karma on a regular basis.

For those of you who believe that you have sinned and are damned to hell, you still have time to at least work toward redemption by making up for negative acts with positive ones. Even for those without major sins, helping others however and whenever you can on a small or large scale is always a good idea.

Beware of These 5 Demonic Possession Myths 

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Due to several movies in recent years about demonic possession and exorcisms, the subjects have gained in popularity.

Are they fictitious notions, merely part of a scary Hollywood storyline? 25 years ago, we thought so and naively assumed that in terms of spiritual energy, only God and positive energy existed.

But after studying metaphysics for over 25 years and performing what we call Spiritual Detox (which is similar to a depossession without the religious terminology, often of Latin origin, of a Catholic exorcism) on ourselves and many others, we are convinced dark energy and demons exist.

Misunderstandings about the subject abound. When we read that Roman Catholic priests in Poland are launching the world’s first monthly magazine about exorcisms, we were hopeful that it would help clarify the issues.

Unfortunately, we believe the magazine could do more harm than good. Here are five possession myths that the priests perpetuate in the process of discussing their new magazine.

1) The rise in the number of possessions is due to a rise in capitalism and the occult. Blaming capitalism or the occult for more possessions is like blaming death on living life or obesity on eating; it depends how you live and what and how much you eat.

If they experienced the occult (which only means “hidden knowledge”) firsthand instead of relying on hearsay stemming from paranoid zealotry that dates back to the bloodthirsty Inquisition, they’d discover that fortune-telling, including tarot cards, astrology, numerology and other forms, is not dangerous and there is no risk of possession from these ancient spiritual tools. In fact, scary movies pose more risk.

Ouija boards and channeling can attract mischievous entities, but they are easily avoided if one knows what they are doing, and we do not recommend novices use them. We advise avoiding black magic and spells, which present much more risk.

2) A depossession or exorcism should only be performed by a priest. There are many people who are not priests who regularly perform successful depossessions. One of the more successful people in this field is Sue Allen of the UK.

Religious exorcisms follow a traditional process that, at times, recklessly cast out demons. We and others who do similar deposession work believe this can be dangerous because the entity can wander off and possess someone else. Instead, we call in Angels of the Light to help guide the troublemakers to the Light.

3) “Authentic exorcism is absolutely free of charge.” What the priest means is that authentic exorcism by priests is free. There are many professionals who can remove lost souls or dark energy but since they do this for a living and don’t have the support of a multi-billion dollar religious enterprise behind them, of course they need to charge for their services.

Unfortunately, there exist unscrupulous psychics who will tell a client bad energy is causing their misfortune, and that they can remove it for thousands of dollars, then do very little to fix the alleged problem. Avoid them.

4) “Possession comes as a result of committing evil. Stealing, killing, and other sins.” In our experience, we’ve found it’s the reverse; one does not always become possessed from “sinning” (though it’s possible), but those who are stealing, lying, or killing commonly are possessed. We’ve discovered that people can become possessed from drug use, alcohol abuse, extreme emotions, physical or sexual abuse, and surgery.

5) Mental illness is not the same as possession. We’ve found that mental imbalances are often caused or made worse by entity attachment or possession, especially in very sensitive individuals. Sadly, many mental health experts ridicule the idea of possession, yet ironically, usually know little about the subject.

The Consciousness Trap 

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In your pursuit of spiritual awareness, you may have embraced the “consciousness” movement. After all, it sounds good, right? Become more conscious of yourself, humanity, and the environment, and strive to better the planet.

However, what you may not realize is that to many advocates, “consciousness” includes destructive economic and political policies.

You’re Not Alone if You’ve Fallen For it

Many people have become ensnared in the consciousness trap. The music-to-your-ears cosmic messages, on the surface, appear to be beneficial for humanity and the planet. Some are, some aren’t.

Aside from the feel-good New Age messages about spiritual enlightenment, it’s very common for consciousness advocates to portray American capitalism as a very bad thing, as if they really want to destroy the American system. This is troubling, because contrary to extreme left political ideology, small businesses (defined as fewer than 500 employees) drive the economy, creating approximately 70% of the jobs.

That’s free enterprise, free trade among honorable American citizens, and it’s very unfortunate that the consciousness radicals, instead of focusing on the real problem, big government and big corporation collusion, and crony corporatism, these jokers target the American free enterprise system as a whole, the very thing that has made America and much of the rest of the world prosper.

Take away the economic growth engine of capitalism, and you won’t have time to concern yourself with consciousness, because your days will be consumed with trying to meet your basic survival needs.

Don’t believe us? Go live in North Korea for a while and experience firsthand a communist country. We doubt you’ll be jumping on the “let’s hate America and the capitalist system” bandwagon after that trip.

It’s reminiscent of the 1960s radicals who raged against the American system, but never offered any viable solutions, though the dark side of this movement is much more covert and underhanded.

A consciousness red flag would be something like this: “(A political candidate) has more compassion for all living beings than (the other political candidate), so you must vote for him.”

You won’t ever get a real sense about a candidate’s level of compassion from what they read from the teleprompter, and your interpretation of their intent behind their policies is likely subjective. This is where critical, objective analysis is so important. Sadly, the majority of people are not interested in or simply not capable of it.

How to Navigate the Consciousness Trap

The true meaning of consciousness is self-awareness through identifying and rising above fear-based attachments, including all bias and intolerance. In doing so, you see the world as it really is, and you’ll more likely perceive the truth and lies about each individual political issue.

Daily meditation helps a lot in achieving a clearer state of awareness, especially for those who struggle with impartiality and a reasonable sense of discernment.

Watch for These Types of Bogus Phrases to Help You Identify Phony Consciousness Initiatives

1. You must forgo your individuality for global unity (a “One World Government” slogan).

2. There has never been a better time to open up to universal consciousness.

3. We are moving from duality consciousness to unity consciousness and those who refuse to make the leap with us will be left behind. Stepping through the gateway with us will activate your higher purpose.

4. Once unity consciousness is achieved peace and prosperity will reign forever.

5. You will be able to elevate your spiritual vibration, shed your karma, and ascend beyond the polarity of this dimension (not unless you’re Buddha or Jesus, or otherwise have earned avatar status!).

The future of humanity is not at risk, there are no critical crossroads, and if you follow the advice above, you’ll never get caught in the consciousness trap again.

The Real Truth About Karma 

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We define karma as everything you say, do, or intend coming back to you in equal measure, mostly from past lives. What you do now will likely come back to you in a future life, not in your immediate future.

Everyone has endured a negative experience relating to career, relationships, family, friendships and, or other parts of their life. But that does not always reflect payback for having done something negative in the past.

For example, a relationship based on no promises ends. She wanted it to last forever, even though it was over almost at the beginning. She knew this, yet she wasn’t honest with herself. He believed they ended on good terms, since neither did anything wrong, it just naturally fell apart. If it’s over, it’s over, and mature adults acknowledge this and get on with their lives. Therefore, her expectations, not karma, caused her misery. Unfortunately, she claims to be heartbroken and tells others that he “hurt” her, even though he didn’t (which makes her incur negative karma).

Unfulfilled Desires Aren’t Always Bad Karma

Is this circumstance, is her deep disappointment the result of her negative actions in a past life? In our view, not necessarily. Her immaturity may be karmic, but her refusing to be an adult now and admit the reality of the connection to herself isn’t the result of her dumping someone in this life or a past life. Him not wanting to stay with her “forever” may be, however, but sooner or later, if she was honest with herself, she also would have realized it wasn’t meant to be long-term.

Trying to make a relationship work that is not meant to be, for example, is working against your destined path, so you could say it relates to your past lives, but it’s only sometimes a direct result of burning that same individual, or someone else, romantically in a past life.

Authentic Bad Relationship Karma

In another example, person A falls for person B. Person B pretends to fall in love and makes promises they have no intention of keeping (this is key), knowing all along the promises will be broken soon after. Then person B inexplicably dumps person A, leaving person A heart-broken. How do you know A had it coming? You don’t, unless you scrutinize their comprehensive astrological and numerological charts and, or they experience past life regression to find the root cause of their suffering from this experience.

In this case, considering that you discover person A had it coming through the above-mentioned methods, even though the one doing the dumping may possibly not incur negative karma for it (you read that right), the one who is heartbroken is balancing some negative karma because of treating person B and others in a similar way in a past life. Note, this doesn’t give anyone a free pass for bad behavior.

It May be Collective Timing, Not Karmic Payback

The core structure of your life, formed through past life actions, directly reflects your current key life circumstances and events. But let’s say you have a really tough time getting dates that you like, and the universe seems to be conspiring to push you into solitude. This does not automatically mean that you were a nasty lover in past lives, but that, for example, you are moving through some collective timing that is good for other things in your life right now, not your love life. It is not yet time for you to fall in love.

Lack of Self-Knowledge, Not Bad Karma

Not getting what you want doesn’t always reflect “bad karma,” particularly if you don’t yet know yourself very well and your ego-self based plan for your life is not aligned with your optimum/natural path in life, the one you are meant to travel.

Sometimes there is direct karma to balance in not getting what you want, and sometimes not. It’s unwise to always use the idea of karma as a scapegoat for life’s disappointments. Besides, there is no room for blame and self-pity in a spiritually aware person’s outlook, though even the most self-actualized individuals may temporarily regress, at times.

Did Your Spirit Guide Abandon You? 

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We believe everyone has at least one spirit guide whose main role is to encourage you to make the most appropriate choices in order to learn, grow and accomplish the goals you incarnated for this time.

But sometimes when life isn’t going well, it may seem like you’re severely lacking in spiritual assistance. Why didn’t your guides help you avoid a that terrible situation? Couldn’t they have warned you about that person who you had no idea was a secret enemy? Is it possible that your guide took a leave of absence? Might they be upset with you for something you did?

Rest assured, we and many other experts have found that while some guides may come and go according to your needs, you always have at least one watching over you. They realize how difficult life on Earth can be and they have nothing but unconditional love for you.

Spirit guides cannot help you completely skip the not so pleasant events or people in your life that are important for your growth. However, the more you ask for help through prayer or meditation, the more you’ll become aware of their gentle support through dreams, signs, gut feelings, and your intuition.

If you’re feeling like you should be receiving more spiritual guidance, the actual problem may be that your spiritual connection is weak or clouded. Due to the often hectic lifestyle required in order to survive on this planet, it’s fairly easy to lose touch with the help that is available to you from the other side.

What Can Cause You to feel Spiritually Disconnected

1) Drug use or alcohol abuse
2) Excessive stress or anger
3) Negative people
4) Consistently ignoring your intuition
5) Poor diet such as excessive sugar, caffeine, processed foods or not enough quality protein
6) Lack of sleep, exercise, or meditation
7) Lack of enjoyment or fun
8) Dabbling in black magic
9) Spirit attachment or possession

Act Like a Guide To Connect With Your Guides

Stephen recently asked in meditation how he can strengthen his connection to his guides and they pointed out to him a situation from earlier that day with a friend who had been rude. He was considering writing an angry e-mail to the friend in response, but his guides reminded him that if he wants to be more in touch with them and their guidance, it would help to act like them. A higher level guide would not take it personally or respond with anger, but would consider why the person behaved as they did and then respond wisely, or at least like a rational adult.

Contacting Your Spirit Guide

Some experts recommend contacting your spirit guide through meditation. For beginners, we recommend being very careful with this. There are too many negative or lesser evolved spiritual and dark entities roaming around who could mislead you or worse and it’s not always easy to spot the impostors on the other side. Just because an entity isn’t in a physical body doesn’t mean they’re all knowing or even benevolent.

Instead, we advise regular meditation while envisioning white Light for protection in order to become centered, aware, and in touch with your higher self, which will also enhance your intuition. Later, after you have more experience meditating and practice protecting yourself spiritually, you can ask your spirit guide “of the Light” to help you perceive more about them or to assist you with something specific.

Get Rid of That Nasty Karmic Bond Once and For All

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Our long-term findings firmly support the theories of reincarnation and karma. Until we prove them invalid, we will continue to accept them as viable Explanations for some of life’s “mysteries.”

Related to the theory of reincarnation is the notion that there are no accidents in life and that you are born into the conditions and key life circumstances (and innate abilities and inclinations) that you have earned through many lifetimes.

One of the most common inquiries we receive is a request for insight about whether a person is a “soul mate.” Soul mates come in all different forms, including, but not limited to these types: financially rewarding; incredibly romantic and pleasure oriented; work related; challenging to assist with personal growth; and downright toxic and full of negative karma (sometimes after the illusion of a supposed wonderful bond wears off).

Almost everyone has had a challenging relationship of some sort, and it’s likely you have thought when it ended, “I hope to never see that person again!”

Unfortunately, even if your former acquaintance, business partner, lover, or other is a sociopath, and clearly caused most or all the trouble, the connection may not be fully dissolved in terms of your karmic dance through lifetimes.

Failure to release negative emotions about the person is one sure way to attract that troubling soul in a future existence, or someone like that person that would represent similar circumstances. It’s natural to feel resentment, anger, intolerance, or other human, negative emotions. But you must eventually fully accept and forgive before you die, or you may be pulled into a similar lesson in a future life.

This is easier said than done, of course. Realizing the lessons learned and being grateful so you can move beyond them, understanding the person’s flaws and viewpoint, and seeing the situation from a spiritual perspective can help.

Generally, if the relationship ends peacefully, with a complete lack of animosity on your side, including true forgiveness to the point of being comfortable with the thought of meeting them on the other side for a cup of spiritual, karma-free-tea, then you may be done with one another for good. Or, the rough stuff may be finished and you may have more harmonious relations with them in future existences if you, on a soul level, choose to meet again. Some of your closest, most rewarding friendships or other relations today very well could have been the complete opposite many eons ago.

The stronger the feelings (negative or positive), which are like invisible, binding cords, the more likely there will be episodes in future lives.

Karmic debt, within interpersonal relationships, is not easy to rise above and detach from, and forms the basis for the most opportunity for growth on a soul level. After all, having a subconscious memory of the other person raiding and torching your village, for example, isn’t easy to let go of. Yet it’s in your best interest to forgive as much as you can with all of your heart to help ensure you won’t have to go through those tough lessons again.

21 Tips to Save Your Teen and Yourself From Love Life Grief, Part III of III

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Have you ever wondered why so many people experience love life heartache on a regular basis? Most people seem to start out with good intentions but then many fall into the typical love life traps.

After over 25 years of empirical research with metaphysics, personality and compatibility assessment, and as a matchmaker and writing a book about soul mates, we’ve created the following tips to help you and your teens and adult children avoid all the most common love life traps.

Warning: Some of these tips may be entirely opposed to your love life dreams. We don’t sugarcoat our findings because not doing so will help you more in the long run.

1) Avoid the trap of “you are my everything.” Put yourself, your self-love, self-respect, and self-esteem first. You don’t need someone else to be happy.

A tendency to look outside one’s self for love exists when self-love, self-respect, and self-esteem are low. Unfortunately, there will never be enough to fill the void inside.

Weak self-love, needing love and attention like an insatiable drug habit, or never being comfortable with even temporary solitude are signs of being ill-prepared for, and lacking a necessary inner foundation for a healthy relationship. It’s obvious, but it overlooked by so many people.

2) Don’t try to force the circumstances of your love life. A strong will can help some areas of your life, such as career and health, but it can backfire with your love life. Know what works for you and what you want, then go with the flow. Too many New Age and self-help authors claim that you can create whatever you want, when you want, in your love life if you follow their advice. Based on our findings, we believe that everyone does have free will, but only within the confines of your individual fate and karma.

This means you can make the most of your life, but that one of life’s realities is that you can’t always have exactly what you want, when you want it.

3) Be cautious about safe-sex and birth control 100% of the time, even when you’re in love. Love or lust doesn’t protect you from unwanted pregnancies or STDs. Respect yourself and your future by practicing safe sex and using two forms of birth control every time, even if you think you know the person you’re dating very well. If they’re not okay with this, they’re probably not right for you.

4) Realize that marriage or commitment will not guarantee happiness or improve a relationship. Many divorced people will admit that the high expectations of traditional marriage can do the opposite.

5) Consider if a traditional marriage or marriage-like relationship is best for you. One size does not fit all; the traditional model encourages conforming to rules and customs which may not be right for you.

6) Consider the importance of a prenup, even if you and, or your partner don’t have many assets. Over half of all marriages end in divorce, with many couples fighting in court about money. You don’t know just what you’ll be worth 20 years from now or exactly how your partner will react if they feel their needs aren’t being met.

7) Consider the idea of what we call a “child contract” in addition to or instead of a marriage contract. Unlike marriage, this puts the child first and financially protects the main caretaker before the child is born.

21 Tips to Save Your Teen and Yourself From Love Life Grief, Part II of III

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There’s an epidemic in this world and it’s as plain as day to us: A perception of dating and relationships that severely conflicts with reality. After over 25 years of empirical research with spirituality, personality and compatibility assessment, and as a matchmaker and writing a book about soul mates, it’s our intent to share what we’ve learned to help you and your kids avoid, what are often, self-inflicted love life problems.

You may not like, or even be irritated by some of these tips. Still, we encourage you to consider each one as you observe your own and others’ love life conditions. We want you to be aware of our findings even if they clash with your love life goals because the information can save you a lot of time and heartache.

1) Avoid long distance “relationships.” If you’ve met on-line but never in-person, it’s not a relationship. 90% of the time it’s a fantasy fueled by illusion that will pop like a soap bubble if you ever meet face-to-face. Date locally or agree to be just friends unless you can spend months together in the same city.

2) Don’t beat yourself up by assuming a relationship “failed” if it didn’t last a lifetime. Our findings show that all relationships are for different reasons and have destined beginnings and endings. Very few that start at a young age are meant to be life-long.

3) Life-long monogamy from a young age can work for some. For many others, they start out with good intentions, but based on the high rates of cheating and unhappiness within traditional relationships, they realize too late it isn’t an agreement they will be happy with for the rest of their life. As much as you may dislike the idea, it’s important to acknowledge that strict, life-long monogamy is unnatural and even emotionally unhealthy for many people. Forcing someone to adhere to such an agreement after they are no longer attracted to you is akin to slavery.

Therefore, before you assume that strict, life-long monogamy is best for you and your partner, consider your ages, relationship and sexual histories, and sex drives. Also, be brutally honest about your sexual compatibility and whether there is a chance you may be happier with an agreement to continually reassess your connection and the amount of freedom you give each other as your needs change over the next
50-80 years.

4) Don’t confuse sex with love. Sex is not love, and love is not sex, but love can be expressed through sex.

5) “Together forever” is a soothing thought. It would be nice to meet the ideal partner at a very young age and be happily involved for the rest of your life, but the reality is it’s very rare. Also, times have changed. Considering that in 60 years it may be common to live to the age of 100, is expecting a relationship to last 80 years and also be harmonious and beneficial for both partners as they change and progress or regress realistic? In light of this, you may want to focus more on enjoying the moment rather than making life-long plans with a “high school sweetheart” or even while you are still in your 20s.

6) Avoid searching for the ever-elusive “true love” or expecting every connection to live up to such expectations. The only authentic love is unconditional love, which is completely void of expectations and demands. You must first have a reasonable level of self-love and let go of emotional neediness in order to enjoy and benefit from unconditional love.

7) Be careful of excessive focus on romance. It’s great in moderation, but our findings firmly suggest that most relationships tend to be more for personal growth.

21 Tips to Save Your Teen and Yourself From Love Life Grief, Part I of III

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We get many questions from young adults about love life dilemmas. So many of them fall into traps that could have been avoided with good guidance and advice. It leaves one wondering, “Didn’t their parents or mentors help them distinguish love life fantasies from reality?”

Sadly, many parents still don’t know the difference and as we explain below, it’s an easy mistake to make.

The good news is that you can make enormous progress in your love life by altering your perception and taking a new approach which we hope to help you do with this information.

After over 25 years of empirical research involving relationships, spirituality, personality and compatibility assessment, including observing thousands of love relationships as a matchmaker and writing a book about soul mates, we’ve come to the following conclusions that will help you and your children avoid unnecessary and self-inflicted sorrow. Of course, sometimes kids won’t take your advice and will need to experience mistakes first hand in order to learn, but at least you may plant a seed.

Parents, please help your teen and young adult children become aware of the following love life tips. You may save them a lot of grief. Note: some of this information may completely conflict with your love life hopes and dreams. Even if you disagree with some or many of these tips, we encourage you to consider them as you observe your and others’ love lives. As harsh as some of them may sound, we’re merely relaying our findings and we’d rather have you be aware of them to lower your risk of heartache or worse.

1) Most people have embraced as reality, thanks in part to nearly everyone around them doing the same, love life fairy-tales perpetuated by romantic songs, movies, and TV shows. Every so often a romantic fairy-tale occurs (and lasts) in real life, such as an unusually rewarding love connection, but it’s certainly not the norm and it’s best to remind yourself, especially when first smitten by a new love interest, that it is only one possible outcome. When you accept that each relationship is for a different reason, one that is not always obvious at first, it’s easier to enjoy the individual fruits of each and you won’t be disappointed due to unrealistic expectations.

2) Make your education and career your number one priority and follow your passions and talents when you’re young. If you spend all your time and energy on a relationship, especially one that is rocky because you don’t yet know yourself well or what works for you, you may regret it when you are 40 or 50 and struggling with your career and, or finances. For now, think of your love life as a side dish that compliments the rest of your life rather than the main course.

3) Avoid assuming someone is “the love of your life.” You won’t know who that is until the last day of your life.

4) Acknowledge the myth of the “one and only soul mate.” Everyone has many, and most are not compatible enough for a harmonious, life-long relationship. Also, there’s no such thing as a “twin soul” or your “other half.” You are complete and whole on your own, even if you don’t realize it yet.

5) Try to avoid putting pressure on yourself to be married by a certain age, or giving too much thought to missed opportunities or “the one who got away.” It’s an all too common trap to project dreams and fantasies onto someone you don’t know or can’t have and it may very well be that a relationship with that person wouldn’t have been favorable for you anyway.

You have free will to pursue your love life goals, but trying to control the outcome too much will just add more stress to your already hectic everyday life. Our findings indicate that everyone meets who they are meant to meet, when they are meant to meet them, and it will last for as long as it’s meant to, so try to relax and perceive each situation in a positive light, even when it doesn’t turn out the way you had hoped.

6) Don’t wait for the chemistry to magically appear. It’s either there between two people, or it’s not. If it’s not or if it’s a troubling connection, move on. Don’t be afraid to be single; it’s better than wasting time with someone who isn’t good for you.

7) Don’t hang on to a relationship that has ended or just wasn’t meant to be. Accept that it’s over, let go and move on or you’ll block other, more compatible, future relationships.

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